Have Faith!

My weekend retreat was a taxing and gainful experience. I met some wonderful women. Ones that have no idea how amazing and motivating they really are. (Especially you, Barbara) I even ended up attending the retreat with a neighbor of mine that I had no idea was going to be there. Strangely enough, we were placed in the same group and positioned in seats right next to each other for the entire weekend. We are both still wondering if we will have some kind of bigger significance to each other in the future. Regardless, it was nice to have someone familiar around and we definitely got closer throughout our time there. She has eight children in her blended family and is an inspiration as a mother.

The retreat was a peaceful place to be. A rare place where there was no judgement on the way you looked. A judgement, I spend way too much time dwelling on and worrying about. It didn't matter if you had some extra pounds packed on or the most perfect body possible. It was not about your physical image, instead about your spiritual one.

A lot of our energy was spent hearing peoples stories..and I realized compared to most there, I had a fairytale one. I've never cried so much in my life. So many blessings that I needed to work on being thankful for. These anecdotes that these women told included a lot of scripture references. I have always been skeptical of bible reading and studies because any attempt to read scripture for me, felt as though I was reading a different language...so I never could imagine getting anything out of it. Some of the passages that these women included in their accounts actually touched me and held meaning in my own life. To list a few...

Philippians 4:6 "Don't worry about anything; instead pray about everything." (Words for someone like me to live by!)

Proverbs 22:6 "Teach a child how he should live and he will remember it all his life." (Something I will try to believe as I worry about Barrett and Peyton's futures)

1Peter 3:9 " Don't repay evil for evil. Don't retaliate when people say unkind things about you. Instead pay them back with a blessing. That is what God wants you to do, and he will bless you for it." (This is a tough one -- but worth trying when I come across certain people in my life)

1 Peter 5:7 "Give all your worries and cares to God, for he cares about what happens to you." ( I'm all about getting rid of these worries, can you tell?)

My retreat focus ended up being "how much faith in God do I really have?" I've always been Catholic, I've always believed in God. I've always prayed and I've always thanked God for the things I have in my prayers. But I realized that I spend a lot of my existence waiting for the other shoe to drop. I have all these fantastic gifts in my life...a wonderful husband, wonderful family, wonderful friends, good finances, a beautiful home and good health all around me. I waste many moments worrying that if I truly let myself be happy and grateful -- something will be taken away. Someone will be struck with illness, someone will die, an unfortunate event will happen to take away my stability. I hadn't realized that this frame of mind I was keeping was a true lack of faith in God. Why would someone so good purposely want to take away any of my happiness? Jeremiah 29:11 "I know the plans I have for you, says the Lord. they are plans for good and not for disaster, to give you a future and a hope." Would ya look at me...quoting scripture on MY VERY OWN LIFE!

For now I believe that I was called to that retreat to strengthen my faith and count my blessings. Even if the real purpose in finding this renewed faith is to prepare me for a struggle or hardship to come -- I know now that the misfortune will occur whether I live life to the fullest right now or not. However, my attitude toward life could help me control my reaction to such happenings. And I'm all about control!

This retreat was a wonderful thing to happen to me. I'll never forget it. And I look forward to doing it again. I'll take all the renewal I can get!

1Peter 1:8 "Though you do not see Him, you trust Him; and even now you are happy."